All the Things I Could Do…Have

When I was walking back from the post office this morning, I looked in the window of a lovely little dress shop I pass often, however have never been into. Why? It opened shortly after I got pregnant, so I didn´t see the point . Also, as it is a boutique style shop, even if not overly expensive, I didn´t feel comfortable to just go in and browse and walk out with nothing…. yes, I´m funny that way.

I probably still won´t go in, even though I saw lots of lovely things in the window and through the door (it was closed today)- why tempt myself? I don´t need those lovely floaty summer dresses – I am having trouble remembering what is in my own wardrobe- yes, my own personal boutique. Plus, there are many more pressing things I need to do with my money.

So, as I was pushing baby down the road, I unconsciously found myself singing “Money, money, money…….all the things I could buy….” Of course, when I realised what I was singing, I had a bit of a giggle to myself…why am I still fixated on buying things anyway….the lyrics say “do” – and in the future, I should be doing things, having experiences and also saving for retirement.

I would also like to buy my children experiences – skills like horse riding and tennis and travel for example. Also the “experience” of not having parents that are worried about money (though of course they don´t know that at their age and maybe never will)!

Memories of what you have done are what you have with you in your old age, right? Memories of family, of friends, of travel, of good times. I struggle to see how any “thing” I might have will comfort me in my old age….and looking at my own grandparents and those of my husband, I know that old (really old) people just want to get rid of things.

So, I will try and remember that next time I yearn for yet another “thing” that I think might make my life perfect.

Filed under: Reflections

Recap and Soldiering On

I have come a long way since I started this blog. I can look back with pleasure at many rooms, boxes, cupboards, plastic bags emptied, sorted, thrown and put away. I have got many bags of rubbish out the door and clothing bags to the charity shop. I have also been able to sell some things and will work on that more in the coming year.

While sorting through long unopened bags and boxes, I have been amazed at the things I have kept and for how long. I have to keep that in mind as I am in the future tempted to keep things just in case…

Yet, I feel I am lost in a sea of maintenance and that things have not got that much better overall. I still have a LOT of uncluttering to do and the clutter also seems to continue to build up in areas I have cleaned. Maybe I am just seeing the negative at present and perhaps I am getting too obsessed with having less and less. I want to be a minimalist. I want to live in a minimal household.

Having a whole new slew of baby things scattered around scares me too – if I am not managing the household I have, how will I deal with another human being´s belongings as well? All the more reason to have less – we are not going to be moving to a larger space anytime soon.

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Thank you to everyone for their good wishes! I am off to the hospital very soon to spend the night. I have an ache in my chest and am a bit scared. Things are a bit tense at home too and that doesn´t help.

Apparently they have wifi in the hospital (yay!) so I may be able to get online again some point soon – terrible aren´t I? – though I am not taking my Mac with me now as I am not sure if I will have somewhere safe to leave it tomorrow. I have friends here expecting me to text them from my mobile phone in the operating theatre, though I don´t think this will be possible

Filed under: Decluttering to get my life back, Reflections

Rush, Rush, Rush

I read an interesting article today about The Go Slow movement which sounds like an extension of the Slow Food movement. I could very much relate to the way this woman described her need to multi task as a working mother.

I am guilty of multi tasking all the time… today I was at the hairdresser (having my long overdue pre-baby highlights) – I read magazines, checked emails on my mobile phone and compulsively played a jewel matching game on my phone to pass the time. I seemed to be incapable of just sitting in the moment, even though I was so tired and could maybe have drifted off in the chair for a little while (yes, I trust my hairdresser).

If I am on the phone at home, I try to fold washing, clean surfaces, cook and tidy up at the same time.

When I am on the computer, I catch up on TV.

When I am on the computer I have two browsers open and multiple windows.

When I am in the bath, I always read.

When I travel I read or make lists of things to do or buy!

I don´t walk slow.

I get agitated if the very fast public transport here is late.

I don´t like traffic jams.

Its not in me to just “be”… I think only doing one thing at a time is actually a waste….oh dear. I think I am a hopeless case.

This makes me sound like a high-maintenance fidgeter, but I´m not really. If I get engrossed in a good book, time flies and I don´t look up for hours…

How about you? Could you slow down if you needed to?

Filed under: Reflections

Lifetime Goals

Shoestring Alley blogged about her April Challenges and when I read them they really resonated with me, however not being just challenges for April, but challenges for my whole life.

My goals when I started this blog and decluttering process were to change all my values and convictions about what I think I need, consume and live my life. Some of these things I am doing already to an extent – how much I have already changed since the beginning of the year!

• Making the most of what I already have – I am working on this day by day by “consuming down” stockpiles I already have and having many many no spending days in a row. I will also work on changing my mindset so more things get repaired, altered or put to alternative use so the need to buy disappears.

• Doing things for free – Thank goodness summer is approaching! It does make it easier to get out and about with the children and do things that do not at least involve huge amounts of money (like going to an indoor play centre, driving somewhere instead of biking etc). Though as I am writing this I realise that the best things in life, are not really going to be free, however at least inexpensive: going to the local swimming pool will cost money for entrance and an iceblock (though I take food and drink from home – planning needed again), going to beer gardens is the price of drinks (Bavarian beer gardens which are a paradise for young and old with great playgrounds allow you to bring your own food however do ask that you consume their drinks) – and yes, it is a necessary evil for the social opportunity for adults and children alike (every weekend we meet friends at one at least once) and camping (cost of the campground and food – we have the rest).

• Financial management - paying bills on time, having a grocery budget and saving all my 5€ notes at home for “cash” emergencies. Selling unneeded items to reduce the clutter and pay debts down.

• Considered spending - planning what I need to buy for the children, planning holiday spending, having a food budget.

So, these are some of the things that sprung to mind as I wrote this post. Lots more to consider as I evolve my new self

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I packed my hospital bag this morning, I am starting to get worried about perhaps going into labour and want to be ready. The trouble is that most of the things in this hospital bag I am still using/ wearing – so it has now become a bag that I going to live out of for the duration – like being on holiday!

Yesterday I was ill with nausea and vomiting and while I feel mostly better today (just a bit weak) I have to spend whatever energy I have left this weekend continiuing to get ready for baby. I wish it was all ready now, however life keeps throwing unexpected spanners in the works and I am behind.

Filed under: Decluttering to get my life back, Reflections

Spring Cleaning

I think it was the first (unofficial) day of Spring here today- about 17C, sunny and happy weather.

I took the opportunity to give the most horrible parts of the apartment a good clean – not as good as a proper spring clean, however more a “ready for the weekend” and “if someone dropped by unexpectedly I wouldn´t be absolutely mortified” type of clean.

I bought some pale pink and orange tulips yesterday and they have opened up beautifully. I like to have fresh flowers sitting on the table until such point that hayfever season hits me. Tulips seem to be cheap and plentiful so I can usually afford them each week. My daughter made the mats pictured above at school.

I am still decluttering “as I go” about my daily routine. I feel I am nearly, so nearly at the point where I can say the apartment is totally decluttered (bar wardrobes scheduled for June). Its been a lot of hard work, however what will be left then will just be on going maintenance. I am going to do some reading on the Flylady site to motivate me to do weekly or daily Flings and keep it under control.

But no, I´m not finished as I still have two storage areas in Germany to purge (in addition to two lots of junk left behind at family´s houses in Australia). But I feel more confident now after having come so far with the house that I will be able to divest myself without too much angst and fear.

I think I finally know that I don´t really need so much stuff.

EDIT: 4pm- Someone is indeed dropping by!! The universe is in sync for me today.

Filed under: Decluttering to get my life back, Reflections

Where Did it All Come From?

Photo by me, Rhodes 2008 – Simplicity

I was thinking a lot yesterday about stages in my life where I didn´t have a lot of clutter and how I got to here.

Growing up in the 70´s, like most people then, I had what I needed and no more. I came from a big family, we lived in the country, shared everything and spent a lot of time outside playing. I read voraciously however from the library or books received as Christmas or birthday presents. I think my mother kept control of any potential clutter as we also moved around a lot.

As a teenager- I always had a messy room, but everything I owned fit in one room of course! I had a part time job from fifteen and started to buy my own things – clothes, music and books. I had many archive style boxes piled up behind my door – school stuff, magazines etc however I remember regularly purging those piles when they got out of control so they would still fit in the same amount of boxes.

At university I think all my clothes fit on one small rack from memory! I owned some books, textbooks, a desk, an electric typewriter and a bed. No bike, no car – I used to walk everywhere.

Then came working (moving from the country to Sydney in 1992), getting married and moving overseas (1995). In addition to the suitcases we took on the plane, we only moved over eleven boxes (11!) of clothes and wedding presents- mostly all kitchen stuff which we are still using Everything else we left behind in a storage place we weren´t paying for. Thirteen years later the same boxes are now sitting in my husband´s father´s garage…oh dear.

And then the clutter started – no kids, both earning well and I spent and spent and spent and it wasn´t all cash either but consumer debt as well. That is how I find myself in the situation I am in – overwhelmed, sad and stressed by my possessions and past. I can´t pretend this has not caused tension in my marriage either.

Most of my money was spent on clothes and shoes I think, books and cosmetics. And I look around now at my overflowing wardrobes full of clothes and shoes that I will be tackling beginning from June (realistically) and wonder what kind of experience it will be to create a streamlined wardrobe and will I be able to do it? It is going to be painful

And will I be able to face my demons with that process and never get into this horrible state of being again? Will I ever be able to have a healthy relationship with things and money? Luckily I am finding a lot of good “free” reading on the internet to help and encourage me

Filed under: Reflections, Wastage